I recall many years ago when I feared not, would do about any dare, and at the same time I was me and no one else. In later years, high school age, I became different, well not that much, just more shy and held back in life. If I played school football or some major sports I would have shined with gleam. But my size held me back, my trust in myself held me back, I was not aggressive in asking girls out, I was use to the “NO” response; so I became shy and was no one except to myself.
I took a large step in life and got ahead of it – I tought, but boy was I mistaking. I left that life, the job, school, and home and moved forward into a career. I do not regret that move even if it looked like I was running away from myself. I became more of a man at 18 than I ever was at the earlier years. Yes, I worked from age 8.5 until retirement a few years back. I’d cut grass for people in the apartments, ran two paper routes, sell bottles, pecans, and metal items for money to go to the movies with my girl friend and also to help my mother with expenses in raising me. It was a life of struggle but much learning. On a couple of times with baby sitters, I was either molested or the attempt was made toward me. I never talk of this but it is a part of my life so I now add it. My mother who I loved very much has never heard that story.
When I finished my schools following basic, I was sent to Germany to work, live, and learn even more things. I soon found that a small bottle of coke was $1 on the market and more in bars, a large beer $.25 and it was good. So yes, I did turn to beer and I was in for an eventual crash landing. I also discovered women and a different way of life. Over time I was educated with View Nam, and other struggles in life. Heck I learned then that I had been living like a king in comparison. I completed my goal of retiring from the military, worked a few great job in civilian life, then entered the trucking industry for 19 years.
Now I am retired, doing what I do, what I want, and I do look back sometimes and I say WOW I made it this far now what? I can also say and mean each and ever word of it and that I am one, I am me, and I am not anyone else.
The point that I am trying to make here is that sometimes we look and see no direction or end to our struggles. There is a way to accomplish good, besides your GOD, have faith in yourself and go for the gusto. You can do it, do not worry about the jones they will be fine also.